How Many Ways Can You Say Squid?

One thing I find mildly amusing about some news writers is what seems to be a personal challenge to use as many different synonym phrases for the subject matter as possible. For example, a story about a dog would include "pooch," "canine," "man's best friend," and others.

Today the subject is squid. In this article, the writer mentions:

"jumbo flying squid"
"sea monsters"
"carnivorous calamari"
"alien-like cephalopods"
"deep-sea giants"
"so-called Humboldt squid"
"red devils"

Apparently halfway through the piece the writer ran out of synonymical word combinations, and retreated to using the word squid throughout the rest of the article. She must have taken off her cutesy creative hat.

Writing. Sometimes It Sucks.

Okay, some would argue I'm not a writer. I'm a copywriter. Because for a living I write blurbs and slogans and headlines and supporting sentences used to market products and ideas. As opposed to a writer, who ideally follows his creative muse into areas so profound and compelling that they just scream to be experienced by legions of readers. Who knows, they probably have a point. But copywriting pays the bills, the work is regular, and it's rarely the same every day.

Today, I don't enjoy writing.

Even we commercially-based copywriters have the approximation of a muse to inspire us within the strict confines of marketing objectives and target audiences. And when that muse don't sing, our fingers don't type.

Well, they type just fine. It just turns out to be doggerel. Which is why I'm up at almost 1am in the morning. Working on stuff I should have written during the day. But couldn't because my muse didn't show up for work.

So why am I writing this post? Taking a break, I guess. Now it's time to take another breath, and plunge back in and find the words that escaped me earlier. I know they're in here somewhere. Maybe hiding behind that Unique Selling Proposition.

I Hate Hyperbole

Hyperbole is the most annoying form of rhetoric, ever.

Seriously, I hear so much of it that its meaning has diminished to nearly nothing.

"Bush is the worst president in U.S. history."
"Iraq is the biggest disaster in world history."
"Steve Jobs is the greatest visionary in living memory."

And Ted Turner's latest: Global warming is the "single greatest challenge that humanity has ever faced."

[update]
Al Gore: "Never before has all of civilization been threatened..."

As a writer, I'm all for using literary devices to make a point beyond mere statement of fact. But when it comes to hyperbole, consider the source. Rarely will a truly objective, honestly informed observer use it. And when he does, it will be a statement of fact. "Light is the fastest thing known to man." Yeah, that really grabs the headlines, doesn't it?

Instead, hyperbole is used by the politically motivated, the tragically hip and the intellectually lazy.

So, witness the birth of my new pet peeve: hyperbole without substance. Please slap my face if you ever see me using it.