What's Worse than Hyperbole? How About A Lie.

I just want to take a moment to comment on a lovely piece by Ellen Goodman at the Boston Globe. The article is another blast of hot air on the global warming issue, basically stating that the politics of global warming haven't changed despite the fact that the global thermometer has.

That's all very well and good. But what gripes me is this statement.

By every measure, the U N 's Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change raises the level of alarm. The fact of global warming is "unequivocal." The certainty of the human role is now somewhere over 90 percent. Which is about as certain as scientists ever get.

Since when has scientific fact been 90 percent? Do only 90% of scientists agree on the speed of light? The existence and role of DNA? The fact that dinosaurs once walked the earth? If scientists never reached more than 90% consensus, we'd still be debating that the earth is round.

I won't even go into her comparison of Holocaust deniers to global warming deniers (By the way, what a novel idea! Where did she come up with that?) Instead, I'm just going to start calling people global warming sympathizers. Spewing forth and succumbing to the political propaganda machine much like Nazi sympathizers did 75 years ago.

I Hate Hyperbole

Hyperbole is the most annoying form of rhetoric, ever.

Seriously, I hear so much of it that its meaning has diminished to nearly nothing.

"Bush is the worst president in U.S. history."
"Iraq is the biggest disaster in world history."
"Steve Jobs is the greatest visionary in living memory."

And Ted Turner's latest: Global warming is the "single greatest challenge that humanity has ever faced."

[update]
Al Gore: "Never before has all of civilization been threatened..."

As a writer, I'm all for using literary devices to make a point beyond mere statement of fact. But when it comes to hyperbole, consider the source. Rarely will a truly objective, honestly informed observer use it. And when he does, it will be a statement of fact. "Light is the fastest thing known to man." Yeah, that really grabs the headlines, doesn't it?

Instead, hyperbole is used by the politically motivated, the tragically hip and the intellectually lazy.

So, witness the birth of my new pet peeve: hyperbole without substance. Please slap my face if you ever see me using it.

THERE'S NO WAY THIS IS TRUE.

But it has to be. I witnessed it firsthand.

Here's the transcript:

2:25:32 PM senorvelasco: listen to that song yet?
...
2:26:54 PM poemeister1: I'm listening right
2:26:59 PM poemeister1: now
...
2:28:22 PM poemeister1: not bad

"Not bad." Never have two words been more defiant of history. The fact that poemister1 didn't express immediate disgust at any song of mine is causing me to rethink my whole belief system. And re-check my calculations on super string theory. Amazing.

Oh, here's the said song.

Bull Sharks Protest Global Warming

Bull Shark 3
Originally uploaded by Snelvis.

Shrimpin' ain't what it used to be. Not with 14-foot bull sharks destroying your vessel. Darn those greenhouse gasses!

I'll see your Stabenow and raise you Levin.

Sen. Carl Levin, D - Mich.
Originally uploaded by Senor Velasco.

Yep, here's a signed photo of my other senator. I think he and Debbie make a nice pair, don't you think? I think it's obvious that South Dakota breeds better looking politicians. (Tom Daschle doesn't count. I'd say the same for Tim Johnson, but that would be mean since he's recovering from a brain hemorrhage.)

See my nearly complete set here.

Devastating Rise in New Species. Global Warming the Culprit?

This is what I find funny. Last week we saw a picture of a couple polar bears standing on an ice floe. According to the story, they're STRANDED! Global warming is causing this cuddly duo to slowly die. You want proof? Look at the picture--they're standing on an ice floe.

Contrast that with this. In the last few months, I've seen several stories about huge new finds of literally thousands of species. Many many more species are being discovered than are dying, despite the endless haranguing from the global warm-ongers.

Is global warming to blame? If so, then let's encourage some more. Surely, this proliferation of new species can only be a good thing.

Of course, for the pessimist, it's just another huge list of animals that are about to be threatened with extinction. And by "pessimist" I mean one of those crafty purveyors of consensus science.

Ok, I'm done venting. Read the story.

My Collection Grows

Sen. Debbie Stabenow, D - Mich.
Originally uploaded by Senor Velasco.

Yes, my little collection of signed autographs from my congressional representatives just grew. Not in attractiveness, mind you, but in quantity. Debbie Stabenow isn't the least bit attractive to me politically. But what do you expect from a constituency dominated by labor unions and the entitlement-minded?

Now let's see if I get anything for Carl Levin and Joe Knollenberg!